| A Brief 5,000 Year History of the Aints Mask |
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| Written by Damian Tatum |
| Tuesday, 20 January 2009 01:23 |
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Today, the Aints mask—a brown paper bag worn over the head and adorned with pessimistic jabs at the Saints—has been rendered at least partially irrelevant by the team's uneven successes over the past two football seasons. It's easy, therefore, to lose sight of the venerable tradition of these cultural artifacts. I'm happy to remedy this. Prehistory Although their first traces are lost to antiquity, anthropologists believe the first "Aints masks" consisted of little more than brightly colored mud, applied to the faces of nomadic tribesmen in sub-Saharan Africa, some time around 10,000 BC. These primitive masks were shamefully donned whenever (and it was often) the Saints were defeated by woolly mammoths, devastated by droughts, or failed return from a hunt with the meat of a ram, bronco, colt, lion, bear, panther, or buffalo bill. According to oral traditions, it was hoped that the muddy mask would prevent a warrior's ancestors from identifying him as a Saints fan, and thus protect him from their curses and despair. The earliest surviving Aints mask is the 5,000-year-old Sumerian "Mask of Warka," carved from limestone and depicting a woman flinching in shame. Like any ancient artifact, it is shrouded in myth: Legend has it that in 3100 BC, the goddess Inanna beheld Saints quarterback Gilgamesh "Boudreaux" Enmerkar fumble a snap deep in the opponent's territory. The fumble was recovered by the other team's warriors and returned 28 rods (approximately 99 yards), sealing the Saints' defeat and knocking them out of the playoffs. Supposedly, Inanna's face froze in horror and fell to Earth as a stone visage. A thousand years later, Egyptian god-kings were buried wearing solid gold-and-black Aints masks, to hide their embarrassment when confronting Anubis. Toward the end of the 18th Century B.C. reign of the Pharaoh Neferhotep I, when the Saints went 32 years without a winning season (still an NFL record), even commoners were buried with their faces swathed in sacks, bandages, or papyrus. The lucky ones were buried alive. Western Civilization The Aints mask was brought into western culture by Emperor Constantine, who not only banned the persecution of Saints fans in the Roman Empire, but in fact became a great patron of the team. Throughout his rule, Constantine supported the team financially, built various stadiums, granted privileges to former players, and founded the Saints Hall of Fame. However, the team rewarded Constantine's faith by going 8-8 for twelve consecutive seasons, and then, in 337, blew a 5-0 start to finish 5-11. Constantine died shortly thereafter. Although banned by Byzantine Law, Aints masks became popular throughout the western world during this period. The masks came to New Orleans via the Italian carnival, which began in the early centuries A.D. as a way to celebrate the end of the Saints season. Generally, this period was marked by sadness that the Saints had missed the playoffs yet again (symbolized by a weeping Aints mask) and relief that another excruciating season was over, plus anticipation of a high draft pick (a smiling Aints mask). The carnival period was also famous for its masquerades, in which ladies and gentlemen would dress up as fans of other, more successful teams and pretend to make merry. These festivities may or may not have included Aints masks, depending on local custom. Carnival became popular across Europe during the Middle Ages, and eventually spread to America's Catholic colonies during a period of ecstatic Saints fever in 1720-21, when the team had their first back-to-back winning seasons. In 1722, however, they went 1-15 after the entire starting offense died in a yellow fever epidemic. Aints masks returned with a vengeance and took firm root in southern Louisiana. The Aints Mask in Times of War In the modern era, football has often been curtailed or even suspended during times of national crisis or war. And whenever football is suspended, the Saints have a harder time losing. Unsurprisingly, therefore, Aints masks tend to become less widespread when the drums of war sound, if only because the Saints aren't playing. In 1803-1815, for example, Napoleon Bonaparte declared himself head coach and emperor of all 28 NFL teams active at the time, and forbid them from playing against each other unless he was personally present to manage the offenses and defenses of both squads. Since travel was difficult in Europe due to the many wars Napoleon was waging, most games were postponed indefinitely. The Saints' only action during this period was a 13-13 tie against the Falcons, and Aints masks virtually vanished. But with Napoleon's defeat in 1815, NFL play resumed and the Saints promptly lost 10 straight games. Aints masks quickly returned to prominence, especially in the Mississippi river delta, which Napoleon had been forced to sell to the United States government. With the onset of the American Civil War, the city of New Orleans took a page from the Saints' playbook and quickly fell to the Northern forces, which spared the city some of the destruction visited upon the South. Some argue the preservation of New Orleans was responsible for the continuation of the Aints mask tradition in the New World, though the assertion remains unlikely. It is recorded, for example, that survivors fleeing Sherman's burning of Atlanta sometimes wore the Falcons' equivalent of Aints masks. During World War II, typical materials used to make Aints masks (silk, rubber, paper) were rationed for the war effort, so fans reverted to the more ancient tradition of face-painting. Modern Times The late, great Bernard "Buddy D" Diliberto ushered in a modern consumerist aesthetic when, in 1980, he advised fans to attend games with a simple paper grocery bag over their heads after the team started 0-14. This had the advantages of being both cheap and carrying the implication of a walking pile of trash. It thus caught on immediately. The tradition will no doubt continue, in ever-evolving forms, for as long as the team and its fans endure. Which is to say: endlessly. |